I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
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