I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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