nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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