you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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