All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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