I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Randomize
