you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
