And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
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