It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Randomize
