I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
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