she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
