Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
