Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
