do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
