I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
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