I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize