ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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