I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
