i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Randomize
