I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Randomize
