I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
