So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
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