Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
