I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
