all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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