Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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