No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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