I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
