I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
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