Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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