I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
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