Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
you never un-have a 4some
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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