Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I am naked and annoyed.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
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