you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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