My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
