HIV tests are more positive than that guy
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
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