My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
