Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
