You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
