On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
