He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Randomize
