I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I have fence marks all over my body
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
