His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
