You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
