I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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