just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Randomize
