Don't you send me to vm
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
