So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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