You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
Randomize
