Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
