Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Randomize
