stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Dick very happy bro
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
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