How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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