I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
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