did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Randomize
