As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
