I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I still have a little drunk in my system
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
