dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
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