jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
