Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Randomize
