I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
COCAINE IS GR8
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
