Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
