Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
