Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize