Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
