so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize