A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
