PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
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