No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Randomize
