my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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